


Scott and Stiles Sex Shop AU

by Anger_and_Apathy



Series: Mistaken Skittles College AU [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Bisexuality, Crack, Dildos, Supportive Scott McCall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 01:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1963995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anger_and_Apathy/pseuds/Anger_and_Apathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day that Scott finds out that Stiles is bisexual is the worst day of Stile’s life. Not because he’s disappointed or weird about it. Because he’s so. Excited. Stiles kind of wants to die a little.<br/>A coming out fic in which Scott is an over-exuberant wear-wolf idiot who doesn’t really know the first thing about bisexuality, and goes overboard in his attempts to be supportive. The boys go to a sex shop and get mistaken for a couple. Also there are dildos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scott and Stiles Sex Shop AU

**Author's Note:**

> Once I visited a sex shop with my friend. This is basically what happened. There are no words. Other than I'm sorry.

           After Stiles tells Scott, everything happens too fast. He’d meant it to be a quick conversation, just a casual “You know how I’ve been in love with Lydia since the 3rd grade? Well that’s still a thing but I’m also interested in dicks now just not yours, kay? Thanks, bye”. He’d been prepared. He’d written a speech. He’d picked up PFLAG pamphlets. Brought coming out snacks. He’d even put Jackson, _Jackson,_ on standby, in case Scott needed a window to be a homophobic asshole, so he’d have a buddy to commiserate with, but gradually talk him around. He’d been _ready,_ okay? He’d been _prepared._

           Except, apparently, he hadn’t. Because he hadn’t been prepared for this. He hadn’t been prepared for the celebratory tour of every gay bar in the tri-state area, or the commemorative mementoes (Scott, buddy, I’m not getting matching ankle tattoos), or to be suddenly standing in the middle of the most explicate sex shop on the planet, with Scott earnestly asking the sales associate about butt plugs, and trying to decide which of the would be the most responsible purchase. The stark fluorescent lights beat down on them, and Stiles is not sure where his life went so badly wrong.

             At first it was fine. Scott was happy, Stiles was relieved, and everything looked like it was going to be great. But somewhere between then and now, Scott transformed into the proudest Alpha mama, and Stiles isn’t really sure how to handle it. He studies a rack of sparkly G-strings beside his head, and thinks that somewhere along the way, they’d crossed a line. See, the problem was that between negotiating with Scott what kinds of supportive t-shirts and wrist bands he was allowed to wear in public ( _Some Researchers Marry Alphas, Get Over It!_ “Scott, I don’t want to marry Derek!”) and frantically trying to delete all of his new online profiles (“I didn’t even know you knew about OKCupid- Wait, why do I have a message from Isaac?!) he’d missed the warning signs. Now, they’re sweating under seedy fluorescents while Scott handles dildos and asks detailed questions about the benefits of various kinds of lubricant and Stiles? Stiles is really regretting not having that boundaries talk sooner rather than later.

                “So,” the sales associate says, smiling prettily, “this one is definitely our most popular model, but we have a few others that are definitely better for maximum stimulus.”

                Scott is nodding earnestly.

                “Right,” he says, “We are very interested in maximum stimulus. But what can you tell me about self-heating lubricants?”

                Stiles feels his face burn. If he never has to hear Scott McCall use the words ‘self-heating lubricant’ again in his life, he will die a happy man.

                “Yes,” The sales associate says, nodding seriously, “So many of our customers forget about the importance of lubricant, and it’s definitely a vital component of a safe and enjoyable sexual experience.”

                “Good to know,” Scott says, “We are very interested in a safe and enjoyable sexual experience, aren’t we Stiles?”

                Stiles glares at him,

                “Well, Scott,” he says a little hysterically, “I don’t know how much _we_ are interested in anything.”

                The salesgirl looks between them,

                “How ‘bout I give you two a moment?” she says, dimpling over at Scott. Scott gives her a dopey grin.

                “Okay.” He says. Stiles wants to kick him, “Wow,” he says, once she’s retreated to the cash register, “What a women.”

                Stiles shifts awkwardly, palming the back of his neck.

                “Uh, Scott, buddy?” he starts, “You may want to rethink your wording a little, man, because I’m pretty sure-”

                “She was _so_ nice,” Scott sighs, clutching the dildo to his chest, “Wasn’t she nice?”

               “Uh…” Stiles starts. He leans around Scott to look at the cash register. The sales girl waves at him. His life is weird.

                Scott dithers for a few more minutes, but really there’s only so much time one can spend perusing various sex toys. Particularly if you’ve already completed extensive online research. Finally, Scott makes a decision (modest dildo, two vibrators, cleaning spray, rechargeable batteries) and skips up to the cash register. Stiles trails after him, hands shoved in his pockets.   

                “Hello,” the salesgirl chirps, “Find everything okay?”

                Stiles gives her a pained look. Her nametag reads Kira.

                Scott grins at her,

                “We really did!” He says, “Your advice was irreplaceable!”

                Kira smiles, briskly ringing up the items.

                “Make sure register your toy online!” she says brightly, “This product has a 90-day warranty, and the particular website gives such great discounts! It’s really a shame not to take advantage of them.”

                Scott nods,

                “We will,” he says seriously, “Bargain hunting is important.” Stiles rolls his eyes. Kira is putting everything into a matte black bag, and doesn’t notice.

                “Will either of you be wanting a card?” she asks, “You can receive up to ten dollars off of your next purchase, and stay up to date with all of our specials.”

                Scott beams,

                “That would be so nice!” he tells her, “Thank you!”

                She smiles,

                “I hope your experience with us has been positive today. Don’t forget to fill out the survey on your receipt.”

                Scott takes the bag from her,

                “It really has been a positive experience,” he tells her, “I will definitely fill out the survey on my receipt!”

                Kira hands the receipt to him,

                “Don’t forget the coupon!”  She reminds, and then drops a wink at Stiles, “Make sure you get him something nice!”

               Scott looks at her seriously, “I will!” he promises.

              Stiles dies a little on the inside. The shop door rings merrily on their way outside. 


End file.
